Veteran Breakdown Part 2 – Goalies

Edited 15Feb2023

Alright nerds tonight we are going to breakdown the 10 seasons of NZHL goalies. This league has seen 193 different dumb-dumbs in net from actual goalies who know the controls to the more then occasional “Am I good…no. Am I better than a forfeit… maybe.”” Its been a wild ride and as much trash we all talk about goalies we know it’s hard just take all of this with a grain of salt. Except Pizzle.

Games Played

First off let’s look at the guys who have spent way too much time in net. The nerds that really need to find better weekend plans than to get beat up by cross creases.

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PlayerGames Played
J Pizzle 33178
iKariya x958
NpL Pensfan56

I have to give some credit to the goalies that have hung around long enough to make this list with all the garbage they have to put up with. I mean there was a season where I played defense for a majority of the season and that was unfortunate for the goalie.


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The first stat we are going to look at is just the number of shots face throughout the years. The left chart will show just total number of shots seen in NZHL, with experience brings wisdom and with that wisdom you can definitively determine how EA fucked you. On the right side we broke it down by game. These are the guys that frankly got lit up more than Sonny Corleone pulling up to that toll booth.

PlayerTotal Shots ————————–PlayerShots/Game
playerSum of SAplayerSum of Shots/Gm
J Pizzle 332738Undead Viper9528.3 
Dethmaul1631Kempe 924.2 
MacShrimp1101Hoots l16l24.0 
NpL Pensfan917Th3Disney23.6 
iKariya x9867CN6519.1 
SquirtShirt686Kdb c718.2 
Poor Viper…


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Shrimp right before jumping in gen chat to talk about the amazing saves he’s making.

The tales of two stats that absolutely mean nothing but are just interesting to look at. Also, some good fodder for jabs in the locker rooms. For Example, Pizzle has let in more than 200 goals than anyone because he plays barehanded and blindfolded. In all seriousness just the massive number of games played and shots against is a good measure of consistency and experience in bouncing back. The right side is the least amount of goals scored against just for well no reason actually.

PlayerTotal Goals Against————PlayerTotal Goals Agains
J Pizzle 33641CN6540 
Dethmaul428Thanx goalie46 
NpL Pensfan240Manship9158 
iKariya x9231Matthews x9467 
MacShrimp217Marine m1ke k80 
SquirtShirt160Master Sh0tgun86 

Opposite of Goals

The next set of stats we will look at is the saves. It is broken down by just pure number of saves throughout the season and the guys that give you the most saves per game. The thought here is that the total saves table will give you some insight into some of the older guys who have been doing it forever and the left table is the guys you want on your side if you have frosty on wing drink from the goalie’s water bottle while his team is playing D and/or if you have Obi “hunkering” down your defense. Gonna get lit up

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Obi’s new jersey design
PlayerTotal Saves———————PlayerSaves/Game
J Pizzle 332097Th3Disney19.40 
Dethmaul1203Kempe 919.00 
epicgatorstv917Hoots l16l19.00 
NpL Pensfan677Undead Viper9515.50 
iKariya x9636samsonR9314.25 
NickyFattss527Kdb c714.09 
Disney just ruining the curve on goalie stats like his namesake ruin little girls expectations of men
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Goals Against Average

The next chapter in this pointless waste of our lives is Goals Against Average for all y’all clowns. First and foremost, if any of you are drinking while reading this, take a shot for Viper. Dwagon and Mike get a pass as I am sure they were emergencies. The Ole’ it’s the third week and we aint in the playoffs so im not showing up. Cheers for the attempt but in dwagons case he can’t shoot and miss on himself so it’s probably going to be a bad time. The right shows the best GAA for goalies who have played at least 10 games. I thoroughly enjoyed Shrimp not being first here, the little things in life. I think this list is pretty expected with the proven talent we have seen over the last 10 seasons.

Poor Poor PlayerGAA———–People with DefenseGAA
Undead Viper9512.750xKillSwitchx6653.189
Marine m1ke k6.667NickyFattss3.500
Orbit Save6.000J Pizzle 333.601
Kempe 95.167Dethmaul3.690
Hoots l16l5.000SquirtShirt3.810
Fullsend4.700Thanx goalie3.833
Master Sh0tgun4.526Playeryanr23.933
Matthews x944.467Emb3rToInf3rno3.933
RIP Viper… but Mike in net was hilarious
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Clip of Dwagon in net and Dwagon shooting… miracle

Save Percentages

Otherwise known as doing your job. The two charts will show the best and the worst save percentages all time in this shithole.

TryhardsSave %————Bless your HeartsSave %
Th3Disney0.822Undead Viper950.549
samsonR930.809Marine m1ke k0.572
Hoots l16l0.792Orbit Save0.663
CN650.791Bo Horvat Jr0.667
Kempe 90.786Manship910.713
Fullsend0.780Clarke x 920.721

Shout out to Totz for having the best career save percentage in the NZHL. I am going to give worst save % guys a break as they have been beat up more than lil’ Shrimp when big Shrimp is alone for more than 30 seconds.

Shut Outs

I was actually a bit surprised by the lack of shutouts we have, so good on you forwards. I mean we have some eye popping numbers with Pizzle having double the amount of shutouts then the next closest guy. I also want to look at consistency. The left side show the percent of games played that ended with a shutout. As I was looking at this I realized that I didnt put a game played min on the shutouts so we have Totz up there with 1/4 of his 4 games played being a shut out. Disney is the same but he has his 5 games played with his one shutout.

Hero# of SO—————-Heros Pt 2SO %
J Pizzle 3312iWantMyTotz25.00%
SquirtShirt2J Pizzle 336.74%
iKariya x92Emb3rToInf3rno6.67%
Playeryanr22Kdb c76.25%
Kdb c72Master Sh0tgun5.26%
Jesus 12 you show off
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Wins and Losses

Wins and Losses is pretty self-explanatory and I think at this point we can guess who is where and why. I just wanted to cover all of our bases and congratulate Pizzle and Deathmaul for being both the biggest winners and losers and the same time. Poor Kempe without a win maybe he will get a chance to change that this season or he could be stuck on a team with me and then well wins are hard to come by.

Winners# WinsWinnerWin%LoserWin %Double Loser# Loses
J Pizzle 33102Clarke x 9275.0%Kempe 90.0%J Pizzle 3360
MacShrimp40Fullsend60.0%Marine m1ke k25.0%epicgatorstv37
xKillSwitchx66530Orbit Save60.0%Manship9130.8%Playeryanr230
Playeryanr226NickyFattss59.1%SquirtShirt31.0%iKariya x929
NickyFattss26MacShrimp58.8%epicgatorstv31.8%NpL Pensfan27
iKariya x924J Pizzle 3357.3%lMiller9l33.3%SquirtShirt25
NpL Pensfan23xKillSwitchx66556.6%Matthews x9433.3%MacShrimp22
epicgatorstv21Needbackpack91156.5%Master Sh0tgun36.8%Kdb c718
SquirtShirt13Dethmaul51.7%Kdb c737.5%xKillSwitchx66517

Goalie Points and the Lone Goal

The list is smaller then Furry’s “business” when Obi has his shirt on but here are the four goalies that have points recorded in the NZHL stat book. If you have a point and you’re not on here blame Furry. There was also one recorded goalie goal in NZHL history scored by Pizzle. Congratulations on being the sharpest tool in the hammer drawer.

J Pizzle 3311

Goalie Draft Points

I want to apologize here right before the start as I had no idea what to factor into ranking goalies. This goes the same way as the skater break down as in positive points are earned for being better than average at certain stats and negative points are accrued for being worse than average.

StatFactorLeague Average
win %0.544%
shut %33%
No idea why I put what where…shooting in the dark

This is in no way a determination on your skill level just on how your stats compare to other goalies who have strapped up in the NZHL take it with a grain of salt and stop bitching. I would point out Disney and Totz are way ahead just by their success in their limited games.

Hoots l16l1.53
Kempe 91.38
Kdb c71.01
J Pizzle 330.81
Thanx goalie0.35
Master Sh0tgun0.22
NpL Pensfan0.01
iKariya x90.00
Clarke x 92-0.17
Matthews x94-0.36
Bo Horvat Jr-0.84
Orbit Save-1.55
Marine m1ke k-3.32
Undead Viper95-6.44

This concludes my very poor interpretation on goalie stats but at least the stats are “accurate” (unless someone pulled another pizzle) where you all can make your own conclusions.

Peace Punch Captain Crunch

This Post Has 2 Comments

  1. Nicky

    This man is elite

  2. JPizzle

    I really think this Pizzle guy has a chance at a breakout season

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